I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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