i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
