I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
