I just threw up on my dentist
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
