She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
