drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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