May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
