I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
