Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
