i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
