DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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