so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
