You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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