I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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