A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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