Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
