??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
