HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
