It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
