its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
