Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
