so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
