alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is Oprah even human
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
