I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
