So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
