This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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