I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
