I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
