I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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