I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
