please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
two words...techno handjob
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
