I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
