How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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