i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
