Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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