In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
