great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
