Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
