I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
