At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
