you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
