In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
