The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
