ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
