i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
