If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
