my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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