I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
