Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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