I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
