I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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