: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
